The Cost

I have recently discovered a band that seems to have the most precious spirit of worship and service.  While I don’t know much about The Rend Collective Experiment, what I get from their lyrics is that they have a pure love of Jesus.  Each one of their songs has lyrics that are so pure and real.  My favorite is “The Cost.”  Here’s how it starts out…

I’m saying yes to You
And no to my desires
I’ll leave myself behind
And follow You

I’ve counted up the cost
Oh I’ve counted up the cost
Yes I’ve counted up the cost
And You are worth it
(lyrics from http://www.newreleasetuesday.com/lyricsdetail.php?lyrics_id=73467)

I recently finished Kisses from Katie, a book about a young missionary in Uganda, who is doing amazing things for the children in that country.  All the way through, I felt her story rocking my world.  But it wasn’t until the end of the book that something struck a deep nerve with me, especially in light of this song that’s been on repeat in my mind.

Then, NO JOKE, several weeks later, I start an online bible study through Proverbs 31 Ministries called “What Happens When Women Say Yes to God” by Lysa Terkheurst.  So I’m starting to see a theme here Lord….So what exactly is God trying to tell me?  Apparently that He wants all of me.  That He wants me to say “Yes” to Him.  That He wants me to trust Him with all that I have and all that He has for me.  But that it’ll cost me something.  But that it’ll be worth it.  Because He is worth it.

Well hello there middle of January!

Wow.  Who has life on fast forward?  Clearly someone who shouldn’t be in charge of the remote!  Where in the world is time going?  I can’t believe that we are halfway through the school year, E is going to be a year old in just about a month.  She’s still so little.  I can’t stand it.  I have so many things going on this year.  I, absolutely fed up with my body and the life I was leading, finally did something about it.  I got myself a FitBit for Christmas and it has been THE best thing.  Ever.  New Years Day started a junk free life for me.  I haven’t had any sugary goodies in 21 days and the power it gives me to walk past donuts at school, and cake at birthday parties, and sugar laden punch at baby showers is so awesome.  That this time HAD to be different.  For everyone in my life.  For me.  One reason why this time will be different is because I truly feel that after wrestling with this my whole life, that if I don’t do it NOW, I will die. I’m not the 500 lb woman, but the burden of this stronghold is almost as heavy as the extra pounds I do carry. I have to do it for my children. They deserve more from me than a mom filled with excuses and a heart full of abnormal desires for food. God deserves more too. My body does not bring glory to His name and the hurt I’ve caused Him by laying this struggle down only to pick it back up again is almost unbearable to me.  I’m following an online bible study through Proverbs 31 Ministries called Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst.  I’ve read it before, but apparently it didn’t stick.  But remember?  This time will be different!  I’m also doing a workbook called the Prism Weight Loss program that sadly is out of publication.  I found a book on Amazon I think and have been working through the truths God laid on those ladies hearts about food addiction and weight loss.  Their main point is giving up sugar and white flour and “not one bite” of those foods are allowed.  Those 3 little words offer so much accountability!  So, it’s going to be a lifetime of positive changes.  I’m renewing my mind each morning and surrounding myself with Gods word.  Here are two verses that have almost become my mantra:

“Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial for me.” 1 Cor. 6:12
Psalm 56:12-13 “I will surely do what I have promised Lord and thank you for your help.  for you have saved me from death and my feet from slipping, so that I can walk before the Lord in the land of the living!”

Such different scriptures that pierced my heart.  I am SO excited about the changes that God is making in me.  Here’s to a new life in Christ!